This week has turned out to be anything but the lovely, relaxing, well deserved Spring Break that I have anticipated. Truthfully… It has been one of the saddest and roughest weeks of my life.

Where do I begin?

Well… First… I just want to say that I’m not looking for a pity party here at all. This blog has been therapeutic for me. It has been a place for me to let out the emotions that seem to get bottled up inside. If you have been following, you know that I have had my ups and downs over the past months, and having a place like Tumblr to reflect and share has really been just awesome. I hope it helps me this time too.

Let me take you into my mind for a moment and have all this come together… The BJJ part is coming… I promise.

I haven’t had many people in my life that I can really call a great friend or best friend. My Wife, My Dad (lives in NJ), and the best man in my wedding (who sadly recently moved to Germany). And then… there is my friend “The Scientist” who came back in my life recently and really enriched it. We were friends in high school many years ago and lost touch as most people do as they start their lives. I went off to another school and joined the Marines shortly after. He went to undergrad school at Rutgers and came to the University of Maryland to attend Grad school and has been here in Maryland since. About six or seven years ago, we ran across each other on MySpace of all things. (does anyone even use that anymore?) Anyway, we hung out once and it was just like old times. We quickly became close friends and started hanging out quite often. He is really the only “friend” I have around here. Sure I have friends and co-workers, but no one (other than my wife and “the Scientist”) really know me for me. Where I am from, what I have been through, who I am… all of that. Someone I ca truly be myself around with no reservations. Long story short… he’s moving… on Sunday. Not like down the street or even a state or two away… He’s headed to Hawaii. Now, I couldn’t be more happy for him (and I must confess, slightly jealous)! He is taking action on his dream. Good for him. He just got sick of spending his life in a cubicle and is actually going to do something about it. So he quit his job and bought a one-way ticket to Hawaii. Not many people have the balls to do something like that. I commend him but I surely will miss him. I know our paths will cross again someday, but until they do… Skype will have to do… I will miss him.

A few months ago, my Aunt was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had some surgery to remove a tumor and part of her colon. The initial thought was that the cancer was contained and they were able to get it all. Well… after some tests, blood work and scans, they found some more. I am terribly sad but hopeful for her. About 9 years ago, she lost her father (my Grandfather, and one of the most beloved and influential men in my life) to what started as colon cancer. This disease really hits home for me and my family. Rightfully so, she has been taking it pretty hard. My problem is that I’m not really sure what to say or do to make her feel better… As if anything I say or do can take away the pain and difficulty that she will face as she fights through this. I guess the best thing to do is just be there. Be there to listen, and keep things positive, honest and rational when negativity can can seem to take over.

The other person who has been taking this news pretty hard is my Grandmother. My Aunt and Grandmother live together. They are best friends. You can almost say that they share the same brain sometimes. My Grandmother had a stroke about a year ago. She has been rehabbing since to regain control of her left side and doing well. She called me last week crying and telling me how sad she was about my Aunt and what she will be going through. We chatted for a bit and she calmed down for that moment. …and then came Friday…

I got a call from my mother on Friday evening who was just arriving in Florida to start a vacation. My Grandmother was being rushed to the hospital. My Aunt came home from work to find her seated in in a recliner, conscious but unresponsive. She had another stroke. I sped to the hospital about 45 minutes away and met my Aunt there just as she was arriving behind the ambulance. My Grandmother could hardly talk or form words or sentences. She has always been a talker, full of life and things to say. It was hard to see her struggle to communicate. Needless to say, I have spent more time by her side with my family over the past few days than I have ever spent in a hospital. Fortunately, she has been showing excellent improvement and was released on Wednesday to an acute rehabilitation facility about an hour and a half away from me. It’s the same place she went to last time for rehab. She did really well there and it really is the best place for her now, but it sure makes it difficult to go see her. But really, that’s my problem. I guess I should feel fortunate that I can drive there and that I am as close as I am. I guess things could be worse.

With all of that going on this past week and a half or so (I promised the BJJ part would come), I went to the doc Thursday for my MRI follow up as I mentioned in my last post. Guess what?…. I have three extruded disks… AGAIN!!!!! I am scheduled for a surgical consult on this coming Tuesday, April 3rd. The worst part is… She told me that I may not be able to Wrestle or practice Jiu-Jitsu ever again… EVER AGAIN!!!!

The week from HELL!!!

Venting / Rant is over… Thanks for reading. As always, I’ll be sure to update how things go on Tuesday at the surgical consult.

…and I guess… Unfortunately for me, I will NOT be seeing you on the mat anytime soon. :-/

Last night was the first time that I have trained at Yamasaki for a long… LONG time (since March of 2011); and boy did it hurt feel so good!

It was really great to see some of the old faces smile when they saw me and extend a “Welcome back” or “Good to see you again” nod or gesture or quick chat while warming up. It felt great to be missed and welcomed, as if it had only been a week. 

Warm ups were… well… warm ups as usual. There were some things that I couldn’t quite do yet, er well, I could do but I really shouldn’t if I want to keep coming back, or walking, or sitting. So I just stood on the side and did some jumping jacks or push ups while others did some “carrying a partner” stuff.

Fernando Yamasaki was really looking out for me last night and I really appreciated that. He really knows that I am stubborn, and that it’s hard for me not to push my limits and risk injury. After working on some spider guard pass drilling, Fernando set me up to work with a Blue Belt to defend side control while the rest of the students rolled live. Since it’s been a while… and I am quite a bit rusty, I got choked and arm-barred a few times more than I would have liked. Fernando is a genius though; He knows that I have a wrestling background and don’t feel very comfortable there in side control. He said to me “Let’s take advantage of your injury and work on defending side control on your back only! No bridging or crazy stuff… I don’t want you to get injured again.” Well, I rolled into a few arm-bar attempts, some successful - others not so much, and also successfully executed a sweep while mounted but not without a bit of pain. 

If I am going to continue this, which I AM, I NEED to remember one of the first things I learned from Jiu Jitsu over a year ago… SLOW DOWN! You can still be in beast mode…. slowly. :-)

In any case, It’s great to be back on the mat, more than I can express with text. I look forward to continue writing as long as you keep reading… or not.

Thanks for reading. I hope to see you for my next post.

As always, comments and support are welcome!

Peace!

So… I went to my Surgeon today for my 12 week post-op follow up… AND…

I am completely off all meds except for some Advil now and again. I have been going to the gym religiously and doing lots of core strengthening and balance training, some light lifting / upper body, and a bit of running (no more than 3 miles, my calf/upper achilles can’t take much more) and elliptical for cardio. Although I am getting stronger every day (not losing much weight as I had hoped :-( stuck after losing 20lbs), I feel that I still have a long way to go. My left calf and shin are still weak and become very sore, very easily. My big toe will now move, but only with lots of concentration and visual connection. My flexibility seems to be stagnant regardless of how much I stretch every day. Every morning, I seem to be right back where I was the day before. If there is progress here, I am not seeing or feeling it. My glutes, IT band, and lower back have been spasming more and more frequently, especially when I lean forward or twist, or both. That began as I weened myself off of the Cymbalta; which was a rough go, let me tell you! I’m tired of the pills and no matter what, I don’t want to take them any more. I have been seeing an Acupuncturist for the past few weeks which I am unsure is effective just yet or not. The jury is still out.

My Surgeon told me today that the pains that are coming back are normal (your body’s way of protecting itself from a known injury), and reminded me that the first thing he said to me was that he couldn’t take the pain away. He was right. He wrote me script for Skelaxin for the spasms. Like I said… I’m tired of pills!!!!

He said that if grappling wasn’t something that I have been doing for years, and it was a new hobby, then he would advise me against it. He doesn’t mind me running or doing other things at the gym which I can control. If there is less control, there is more chance for injury if that makes any sense. It does to me. He then said that he understands my passion for grappling and thinks it would be OK to slowly get back into it. 

YYYAAAHHHOOOOO!!!!!

OK… Now that that’s out, I think I should really take it slow. I don’t want to go through all of this again.

So here’s my thoughts. I am going to go back to Yamasaki and talk to Fernando. Let him know that I am back but not quite ready to roll. I have to listen to my body. Maybe I can start off with just drilling. Hopefully this will add to the strengthening of my core to stabilize my lower back more. As time goes on, I will just continue to listen to my body and take it day by day. 

You should be hearing a lot more from me now. And hopefully not to report any more injury, but for what I started this blog for; to share my journey with Jiu Jitsu.

I am now, today, officially six weeks post-op and feeling GREAT! Since my last post, I have hit the gym almost every day… religiously! I have lost about 15 pounds, and have now been narcotic pain med free for more than 3 weeks. I have even stopped taking all muscle relaxers (Flexeril and Tizanadine) and am down to one Cymbalta per day (AM) and Meloxicam (NSAID) only when I need it.

I visited my Orthopedic Surgeon (Dr. Levin) on Friday and he was elated with my progress. I think he may have been worried about me and the Percocet for a while. His eyes grew large (surprised and happy) when I told him how long it had been since I had any. He was impressed with all of the self directed physical therapy I have been doing at the gym (he even said that it was OK if I jog or run a bit, but not too much) and asked me if I wanted to start something formal. I said yes right away. I want to be sure that I am doing the best things for my self and I’m all about anything that will increase my chances for a FULL recovery! The PT office is (co-located) adjacent to his office. They share the same waiting room in fact. I think it’s great and I am hopeful for excellent results because I am sure that they are used to dealing with folks after surgeries such as mine. I go for my initial evaluation on Thursday.

After Dr. Levin did a physical evaluation of my strength and feeling (or lack there of), he told me that he is a little worried about the progress of my L5 nerve. The strength of my big toe and numbness in my toes, shin, and heel are not progressing as quickly as he would like to see, if at all. At this point he said that it might come back fully in two months or two years or it may not come back at all. It’s not the best news but I can live with it I guess, all things considered. Of course I am hoping that it WILL come back fully and I intend to do whatever I can do to make it happen. If it doesn’t, at least I know I tried everything.

This morning I visited my pain management Doc at The Spine Center. She was thoroughly impressed with my progress as well. Strangely, she recommended that I watch the weather often and only take Meloxicam when there will be a drastic change in the weather (like tonight because we are supposed to get lots of rain, which has just started). She also said that I can start taking Cymbalta every other day in about two weeks, do that for a month and eventually stop. I asked her about acupuncture and thought that maybe it could help wake up that L5 nerve (like I said, I am willing to try anything and everything!). Thankfully, she informed me that I should wait a week or two. I should be off the narcotic pain meds for a full month or a bit more for the acupuncture to be completely effective. Something about the receptors in the brain not being ready sooner, due to the narcotics. Good thing, I was going to start sooner. I guess I will wait until a week or so of PT goes by.

I told her about my lingering L5 symptoms and what I have been doing at the gym and she immediately told me that I should go and get some Vibram Five Fingers. She explained how they could aid in strengthening the weak muscles in my foot and leg which were affected by the nerve damage. As my friend Will put it “Propioceptive input to increase central nervous system processes that will facilitate greater motor output. Or….simply stated “Stepping it up to work it out” :-)” So I listened and here’s what I got!

I’ll say it again… I’m all about anything that’s going to increase my chances of having a FULL RECOVERY! I also have to say that I went to the gym today with them on and… I dig ‘em! They are pretty comfortable (once you get them on, which can be difficult and time consuming with NUMB TOES!) and I can already feel the difference. In other words, I know my feet and leg muscles are going to be sore soon from doing 30 minutes of intervals on the elliptical (1/2 the time with no hands), about 12 minutes on the treadmill walking and running (landing on my forefoot as she recommended) and lifting chest and biceps. I’ll be sure to keep you updated on how they continue to work for me.

As Always… Thanks for reading and I’ll see you again soon, Hopefully soon enough on the MAT!

Until then… Keep rollin’ without me. 

Love and Peace!

Hey Ya’ll, Remember me?

I know, I know… It’s been quite a while since my last post; About 3 weeks and 6 days to be exact. I was ordered by my Doctor not to sit, so I have been doing the least sitting possible since my last surgery. This includes sitting at my computer, or working (I’m a Tech guy), or driving, or being a passenger in a car for more than 20 min at a time (making the holidays a challenge since we usually travel 4-5 hours to see family, Thanks everyone for readjusting this year)…etc. Less than 2 hours a day total if possible. Lots of walking, standing and lying around. Anything to keep a straining load off my lower lumbar discs.

This has just generally been one of the toughest years overall for me physically, especially the past eight months since the beginning of my hiatus. That’s hard to type; I can’t believe it’s been that long! In the past eight months I have battled  with my back being healthy (…and I mean BATTLED both physically with pain and weight gain, and mentally with depression) and it [my back] allowing me to be who and what I want to be and do the things that I enjoy and need so much in my life… Being an outstanding husband, father and coach, Wrestling, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Running, Disc Golf and just being an active and healthy human being. I have been on and off a myriad of medications, muscle relaxers and narcodics, quit smoking twice, turned 35, gained 50 effing lbs, been through several physical therapists with minimal success, acupuncture, nerve root injections, and two (yes TWO) lower lumbar discectomy surgeries. Am I missing anything here?

With all that, I am improving every day. I am no longer a smoker for over 4 months now (Thanks to Chantix, willpower, and the support of my wife and kids). Although quicker than my pain management doctor recommended, I am free of narcotic pain meds (Percocet and Fentanil Patch) for a week now and feel pretty good (Not great). I am SLOWLY regaining strength and mobility in my calf, ankle, shin and toes. I am still pretty numb though, and when I do feel anything, it’s painful pins and needles. I am happy to be sore from going to the gym this week and using the elliptical to finally get some kind of low impact workout activity in. Walking around the neighborhood and on the treadmill were just not quite cutting it for me. 

As we head into the New Year tonight, I am happy and sad (more happy than sad). I am sad that this year has been tough and that I have not been able to train and be healthy and everything else I mentioned before. But I am happy that I am on the upswing, and I can put this year behind me and learn from it.

In 2012, I have no resolutions, just a promise to myself that I will continue to use every opportunity to become stronger, healthier, and better man, husband, father, coach, and grappler! I will push my mind and body to the limit, while being smart by listening to my family, doctors, physical therapists to come, and most importantly, my body. I will continue to learn from every experience in my life.

I have two more weeks before I return to work by doctors orders, and I intend to use that time wisely and spend as much time as possible working on my promise to myself. When I return to work, I will add “continue to be an outstanding leader and employee” to the list, but not until it is time. I do love my job and have since I was hired over 8 years ago, but I need these next two weeks to be selfish, and work on me, so I can achieve my goals.

Well…Thanks for all of your motivation and support… and for reading! I wish you all the BEST New Year possible, and I look forward to sharing my never-ending story with you next year.

Peace and Love!!!

Before:

And after:

Well, I made it through another one (Discectomy; second one in 8-9 weeks) today 12/5/11. The HEALING (both Mentally and Physically) begins NOW!

Thanks to all those who have expressed and given their Love, Support, and Prayers! I sincerely appreciate it with all my heart <3

See ya next Post!

I’m Going in this morning for my second Discectomy at L5-S1… Wish me LUCK!

Well the hospital called and changed my surgery time from 3:30pm to 9:30am on Monday. Really… not a big deal but now I can’t drink, or eat anything after midnight the night before (Duh… Sunday). Also, I have to be there by 7:30. (a little earlier than I prefer) but at least I’ll get it over with quick and be home early. When it was at 3:30, I just had to stop eating or drinking 3 hours prior to 3:30, and didn’t have to show up until 1:30, so I could have had a nice lunch and strolled on over to the hospital.

I have complete faith in Dr Levin that everything will go just great. I am feeling really positive and optimistic. I wish that It was today, I just want to start recovery already!!!

Wish me luck and I’ll see you all again soon on the “inter-webs”

Peace and Love!

Monday, December 5th 2011 at 3:30 PM in Shady Grove Adventist Hospital; My second and hopefully my last Discectomy for a long time. Six week recovery; No sitting longer than 30 min, no bending or twisting. No lifting. Lots of walking!

From that day forward, I begin the healing process, both physically and mentally. I will take my life back and be a better person than I was before this all began.