This week has turned out to be anything but the lovely, relaxing, well deserved Spring Break that I have anticipated. Truthfully… It has been one of the saddest and roughest weeks of my life.

Where do I begin?

Well… First… I just want to say that I’m not looking for a pity party here at all. This blog has been therapeutic for me. It has been a place for me to let out the emotions that seem to get bottled up inside. If you have been following, you know that I have had my ups and downs over the past months, and having a place like Tumblr to reflect and share has really been just awesome. I hope it helps me this time too.

Let me take you into my mind for a moment and have all this come together… The BJJ part is coming… I promise.

I haven’t had many people in my life that I can really call a great friend or best friend. My Wife, My Dad (lives in NJ), and the best man in my wedding (who sadly recently moved to Germany). And then… there is my friend “The Scientist” who came back in my life recently and really enriched it. We were friends in high school many years ago and lost touch as most people do as they start their lives. I went off to another school and joined the Marines shortly after. He went to undergrad school at Rutgers and came to the University of Maryland to attend Grad school and has been here in Maryland since. About six or seven years ago, we ran across each other on MySpace of all things. (does anyone even use that anymore?) Anyway, we hung out once and it was just like old times. We quickly became close friends and started hanging out quite often. He is really the only “friend” I have around here. Sure I have friends and co-workers, but no one (other than my wife and “the Scientist”) really know me for me. Where I am from, what I have been through, who I am… all of that. Someone I ca truly be myself around with no reservations. Long story short… he’s moving… on Sunday. Not like down the street or even a state or two away… He’s headed to Hawaii. Now, I couldn’t be more happy for him (and I must confess, slightly jealous)! He is taking action on his dream. Good for him. He just got sick of spending his life in a cubicle and is actually going to do something about it. So he quit his job and bought a one-way ticket to Hawaii. Not many people have the balls to do something like that. I commend him but I surely will miss him. I know our paths will cross again someday, but until they do… Skype will have to do… I will miss him.

A few months ago, my Aunt was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had some surgery to remove a tumor and part of her colon. The initial thought was that the cancer was contained and they were able to get it all. Well… after some tests, blood work and scans, they found some more. I am terribly sad but hopeful for her. About 9 years ago, she lost her father (my Grandfather, and one of the most beloved and influential men in my life) to what started as colon cancer. This disease really hits home for me and my family. Rightfully so, she has been taking it pretty hard. My problem is that I’m not really sure what to say or do to make her feel better… As if anything I say or do can take away the pain and difficulty that she will face as she fights through this. I guess the best thing to do is just be there. Be there to listen, and keep things positive, honest and rational when negativity can can seem to take over.

The other person who has been taking this news pretty hard is my Grandmother. My Aunt and Grandmother live together. They are best friends. You can almost say that they share the same brain sometimes. My Grandmother had a stroke about a year ago. She has been rehabbing since to regain control of her left side and doing well. She called me last week crying and telling me how sad she was about my Aunt and what she will be going through. We chatted for a bit and she calmed down for that moment. …and then came Friday…

I got a call from my mother on Friday evening who was just arriving in Florida to start a vacation. My Grandmother was being rushed to the hospital. My Aunt came home from work to find her seated in in a recliner, conscious but unresponsive. She had another stroke. I sped to the hospital about 45 minutes away and met my Aunt there just as she was arriving behind the ambulance. My Grandmother could hardly talk or form words or sentences. She has always been a talker, full of life and things to say. It was hard to see her struggle to communicate. Needless to say, I have spent more time by her side with my family over the past few days than I have ever spent in a hospital. Fortunately, she has been showing excellent improvement and was released on Wednesday to an acute rehabilitation facility about an hour and a half away from me. It’s the same place she went to last time for rehab. She did really well there and it really is the best place for her now, but it sure makes it difficult to go see her. But really, that’s my problem. I guess I should feel fortunate that I can drive there and that I am as close as I am. I guess things could be worse.

With all of that going on this past week and a half or so (I promised the BJJ part would come), I went to the doc Thursday for my MRI follow up as I mentioned in my last post. Guess what?…. I have three extruded disks… AGAIN!!!!! I am scheduled for a surgical consult on this coming Tuesday, April 3rd. The worst part is… She told me that I may not be able to Wrestle or practice Jiu-Jitsu ever again… EVER AGAIN!!!!

The week from HELL!!!

Venting / Rant is over… Thanks for reading. As always, I’ll be sure to update how things go on Tuesday at the surgical consult.

…and I guess… Unfortunately for me, I will NOT be seeing you on the mat anytime soon. :-/

Quickly…

I’m going back in for another MRI today at 2:45… in about 2 hours. I have been feeling back pain and muscle spasms again… just like before the surgery. The numbness in my foot, toes, and shin seem to be coming back to what they were. This really all started to happen after the Nerve Study…. GRRR!  

The doc has put me on Lyrica for now to calm my nerves down until we get the results of this MRI back. She think this might be a disc leaking again or something. It could be that disc at L3-L4 which was torn but wasn’t treated by either surgery. It could be my mind playing tricks on me. I guess we will see.

…. Frustrated once again…. :-/ I don’t even want to type about it. I’ll be sure to update though…

Peace!

So… today I went for an EMG or a Electromyogram Nerve Conductive Study. I guess the purpose of this study was to find out if my nerves are communicating properly with my brain and spinal cord. What I didn’t know was that they were going to stick me with needles (NOT LIKE ACUPUNCTURE) and “listen” to my nerves to see if there was anything actively irritating the nerve.

The first lady came in and put electrodes all over my legs, After getting in a gown, of course [facepalm]. Then she said “I am going to stimulate your nerves. Some of what you feel may be unpleasant.” She then took what looked like a small, handheld version of a cattle prod and began shocking me. My muscles were jumping all over… involuntarily. She prodded me on my ankles and behind my knees. When she was all done… In came the DR. Apparently the last lady was a RN or something. The Doctor then proceeded to remove a needle from it’s sterile packet as she asked me if I had ever had this kind of test before. She hooked it up to the same machine and commenced jabbing it into my thigh. She finally stopped moving it when she got the right sound to come out of the machine. It sounded like static to me. After the thigh… she moved on to the calf… then the shin… and on to the same spots on the other leg. The pain and tingling lasted long after the test and I still am feeling some tingly sensations now.

Truth be told, I was really being a baby about the whole thing and still am. I’m just tired of being poked and tested. I just don’t want it anymore. I want to be better… NORMAL!!!

The good part is that the test came back as being “normal”. My nerves are working just fine and nothing seems to be irritating them or pinching them right now. The Doctor said that they are probably just still healing from the damage caused by the herniation.

So what now???? That’s the big question. It (My Back) definitely hurts when I roll… particularly when I try to hip escape. My left foot is still half numb and the other half hyper sensitive. I still can’t walk on my toe or heel of my left foot because my shin and calf are too weak to hold me up. When I am running or skipping or sidestepping as a warm up before rolling or drilling, I can feel my left foot slapping the mat or my toes dragging a bit. I feel like I might roll my ankle at any moment sometimes. Yet when I leave the academy after class… My back feels great! … better than it does during the day. I guess because I’m warm still, because it’s stiff as hell when I wake up the next morning.

Today… I am feeling impatient once again. I feel as though I am on the brink of coming back strong but maybe it IS a bit too early. Should I wait a bit longer? Is rolling or drilling good therapy? I just don’t know right now.

What say you?

Thanks for reading… I see you all next post.

breaking-muscle:

Jiu-Jitsu, I Do!

A great essay for those who have a “relationship” with their training.

http://breakingmuscle.com/martial-arts/jiu-jitsu-i-do

Last night was the first time that I have trained at Yamasaki for a long… LONG time (since March of 2011); and boy did it hurt feel so good!

It was really great to see some of the old faces smile when they saw me and extend a “Welcome back” or “Good to see you again” nod or gesture or quick chat while warming up. It felt great to be missed and welcomed, as if it had only been a week. 

Warm ups were… well… warm ups as usual. There were some things that I couldn’t quite do yet, er well, I could do but I really shouldn’t if I want to keep coming back, or walking, or sitting. So I just stood on the side and did some jumping jacks or push ups while others did some “carrying a partner” stuff.

Fernando Yamasaki was really looking out for me last night and I really appreciated that. He really knows that I am stubborn, and that it’s hard for me not to push my limits and risk injury. After working on some spider guard pass drilling, Fernando set me up to work with a Blue Belt to defend side control while the rest of the students rolled live. Since it’s been a while… and I am quite a bit rusty, I got choked and arm-barred a few times more than I would have liked. Fernando is a genius though; He knows that I have a wrestling background and don’t feel very comfortable there in side control. He said to me “Let’s take advantage of your injury and work on defending side control on your back only! No bridging or crazy stuff… I don’t want you to get injured again.” Well, I rolled into a few arm-bar attempts, some successful - others not so much, and also successfully executed a sweep while mounted but not without a bit of pain. 

If I am going to continue this, which I AM, I NEED to remember one of the first things I learned from Jiu Jitsu over a year ago… SLOW DOWN! You can still be in beast mode…. slowly. :-)

In any case, It’s great to be back on the mat, more than I can express with text. I look forward to continue writing as long as you keep reading… or not.

Thanks for reading. I hope to see you for my next post.

As always, comments and support are welcome!

Peace!

eighttoinfinity replied to your post: I Am Officially Cleared To Roll!

Good to hear you’re doing better! Not sure if this will help but doesn’t hurt to look… check out mobilitywod.com Take care and definitely keep listening to your body.

Thanks, I’ll definitely check this out. 

So… I went to my Surgeon today for my 12 week post-op follow up… AND…

I am completely off all meds except for some Advil now and again. I have been going to the gym religiously and doing lots of core strengthening and balance training, some light lifting / upper body, and a bit of running (no more than 3 miles, my calf/upper achilles can’t take much more) and elliptical for cardio. Although I am getting stronger every day (not losing much weight as I had hoped :-( stuck after losing 20lbs), I feel that I still have a long way to go. My left calf and shin are still weak and become very sore, very easily. My big toe will now move, but only with lots of concentration and visual connection. My flexibility seems to be stagnant regardless of how much I stretch every day. Every morning, I seem to be right back where I was the day before. If there is progress here, I am not seeing or feeling it. My glutes, IT band, and lower back have been spasming more and more frequently, especially when I lean forward or twist, or both. That began as I weened myself off of the Cymbalta; which was a rough go, let me tell you! I’m tired of the pills and no matter what, I don’t want to take them any more. I have been seeing an Acupuncturist for the past few weeks which I am unsure is effective just yet or not. The jury is still out.

My Surgeon told me today that the pains that are coming back are normal (your body’s way of protecting itself from a known injury), and reminded me that the first thing he said to me was that he couldn’t take the pain away. He was right. He wrote me script for Skelaxin for the spasms. Like I said… I’m tired of pills!!!!

He said that if grappling wasn’t something that I have been doing for years, and it was a new hobby, then he would advise me against it. He doesn’t mind me running or doing other things at the gym which I can control. If there is less control, there is more chance for injury if that makes any sense. It does to me. He then said that he understands my passion for grappling and thinks it would be OK to slowly get back into it. 

YYYAAAHHHOOOOO!!!!!

OK… Now that that’s out, I think I should really take it slow. I don’t want to go through all of this again.

So here’s my thoughts. I am going to go back to Yamasaki and talk to Fernando. Let him know that I am back but not quite ready to roll. I have to listen to my body. Maybe I can start off with just drilling. Hopefully this will add to the strengthening of my core to stabilize my lower back more. As time goes on, I will just continue to listen to my body and take it day by day. 

You should be hearing a lot more from me now. And hopefully not to report any more injury, but for what I started this blog for; to share my journey with Jiu Jitsu.

Well good luck in your recovery. This took me about 15 years to go through. Maybe I should have done it when I was 20 and the docs wanted to do it. :-/

Best of luck to you!